Thursday, February 5, 2009

Soul Searching

Wow, the amazing power of a good, intuitive massage. The massage therapist came on glowing recommendation from a friend. It was well worth it! I was instructed to be open minded, and it takes an open mind to have this "experience." Believe me, it was more of an experience than a massage. Anything beyond 2 hours is considered an experience. Since I allowed myself to be wholly open to receive, it allowed her to make a better connection.

It started with an initial convo that consisted of basically...tell me where it hurts. After getting ready and the 'massage' starting I knew I was in for something special. She would concentrate on an area and ask me very direct questions. Questions that no outsider would have any idea. Hell, I had no idea. She was able to bring up all the issues that I know exist but that I leave hidden. You mean I am actually supposed to talk about those things, out loud? What? She mentioned that I have a need for acceptance. Yes, I know that! What do I do about it? Like she said... what would happen if I let go of all that inhibition and let loose? Would I still be loved? My husband would! I know that there are others that would. But it all boils down to fear. Fear of being lonely, fear of being disliked, fear, fear, fear! How do I start that process? But if you really want to get down to the core of it I need to find me. She saw it, I think others can see it. I equated it to being stuck in my own body in the fetal position. So my task now? To bare this person? Do I know who she is? Do you know who she is? What has happened over the course of time to keep her so hidden? I don't know! I know that I had started thinking about it prior to this experience and now I continue to think about. This is such a small part of my time with her today. She got pretty deep in my head! I know that I am already wondering when I am going to go back. I also know that I have some homework to do!